{"id":903,"date":"2015-10-09T16:06:45","date_gmt":"2015-10-09T16:06:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/?p=903"},"modified":"2015-10-10T13:03:10","modified_gmt":"2015-10-10T13:03:10","slug":"balancing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/balancing\/","title":{"rendered":"Balancing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Even on #WorldMentalHealthDay , admitting that you have had a hard time, outside of a support group, gets conflicted responses from most people. So when good news come, everyone heaves a big sigh of relief. But that isn\u2019t always helpful.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright\" src=\"http:\/\/www.lovethispic.com\/uploaded_images\/83528-What-Doesn-t-Kill-You-Makes-You-Stronger.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"209\" height=\"209\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Outside of family, and close friends, your struggle is hard to fit into the normal day-to-day chat. So, when things pick up, there is a palpable sense of relief; happiness for what you have achieved, that the situation you and your family might get better, that you might find a purpose in the new job, and that the awkwardness of sharing their own news (&#8220;Hey, I got a promotion\/that job\/raise\/etc&#8221;) will reduce.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don\u2019t mean that most folk are mean spirited, or in anyway resentful of hearing your troubles (though that does happen). I just mean that it is hard to find a way to accommodate, calibrate reactions to, and respond accordingly to a complex problem &#8211; especially one where mental health is involved. It\u2019s hard to say the right thing, listen and be therapeutic.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For a number of reasons, I have not had the easiest time over the past \u00a0four years. There have been ups, but the downs compounded into a dip into depression which surprised most people who know me. It kinda crept up on me, and by the time I realised it was there, I\u2019d lost the ability to let people help me. <\/span><br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/XiCrniLQGYc\" width=\"420\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So,.. now that things look like they are on the up, (and I am no longer depressed), I want to stay healthy. But, ignoring what happened, or clambering to get back to how I was, makes me\u00a0worry that I&#8217;ll drop back \u2018down\u2019. This is why I wanted to write about it, and wanted to share.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the biggest lessons of this period has been that I have learned how to build my mental state, not around \u2018Highs\u2019 and striving &#8211; but around a healthier balance, being more realistic about, and aware of, the here and now; and doing more of what makes me healthy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A big part of that was being back in the classroom, rediscovering my passion for teaching &#8211; or at least helping kids learn. I found new interests, professionally &#8230;and personally (including a new obsession with Ultimate Frisbee &#8211; I am now as brilliant <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=HhUays2ehyI\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">as the people in this vid<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">) <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is a whole post about how important and amazing my family have been, but they don\u2019t need to read about that here &#8211; and nor do you. Just know that however depressed you are, your family are your best way out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, so much of this might sound like a load of mushy platitudes, and smack of the worst sort of quasi-mindfulness BS. Well, maybe\u2026. and maybe I should just count myself lucky and be happy! But, once you\u2019ve seen how thin the ice can be to \u2018happiness\u2019, it is hard to skim across it so blithely.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You see, It would be very easy, especially with a relatively high-profile job, with a team to manage, and the little status that comes with the role, to believe that \u201cI\u2019m back, to where I should be!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/T9hSpijwWCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t get me wrong, I am grateful for the opportunity that <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bcs.org\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">BCS<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has offered me, and I think I can do justice to the job and maybe achieve a little more, for more than my family, \u00a0than making a living. This, in of itself, would be great. But, my potential to do good work has been there all the way through, even if my self belief took a pounding. I had to find solid ground without the status and security of \u2018career\u2019,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em><strong>So, you see, the job changes everything, and nothing.<\/strong> <\/em>I am still a person who has had a brush with depression &#8211; just one who has been lucky enough to be able to not defined, or more damaged by it. I hope I can keep learning from it, \u2018lean into it\u2019 (as the mindfulness folk say) and maybe do some good work along the way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Thanks for all the support along the way, for those who reached out beyond my claims that I was fine (when I wasn\u2019t), and to those who reminded me that I have something to offer &#8211; and some <del>more<\/del> good work to do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Even on #WorldMentalHealthDay , admitting that you have had a hard time, outside of a support group, gets conflicted responses from most people. So when good news come, everyone heaves a big sigh of relief. But that isn\u2019t always helpful. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/balancing\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[25],"tags":[164,163],"class_list":["post-903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-about-eylan","tag-worldmentalhealthday","tag-depression"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2vDki-ez","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=903"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":908,"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/903\/revisions\/908"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ezekiels.co.uk\/eylan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}